You are successful in your career and, as a result, have a healthy retirement fund, a beautiful home, a nice car, and a taste for little luxuries.

You’re used to being praised for your accomplishments, but inside you feel a lot of exhaustion and dread about what’s going to get dropped into your capable hands next.

You know it’s coming because you’re the one who never fails to make it happen.

You’ve lived your entire life feeling that way.

Part of you is proud to be known as the capable one, and the other part is exhausted by all the pressure. You can handle it, of course, you can, but you’re starting to ask yourself, “At what cost?”

I can assume all of this with confidence because I’ve been in your shoes and have spoken with many others who have, too.

I started a marketing agency in February 2022 and built it to seven figures quickly. No one was surprised, least of all me. I said I was going to do it, so I did, like I do with everything else in my life.

But at what cost?

I burnt out in a big way.

I got to the point where all the skills that I felt came naturally to me – from making fast decisions to committing to not just meeting but exceeding deadlines – suddenly felt like heavy lifts.

I used to get satisfaction and confidence from a job well done, but I reached a point where I felt dread about completing anything because I knew I didn’t have the time to put my best effort into it.

I started seeing a therapist, and she explained that my perfectionist tendencies were in major conflict with the workload I had taken on.

There was no time to be a perfectionist because I was stretched so thin, but I couldn’t let go, so I let projects drag on because I couldn’t imagine saying, “Yes, this is done well, just not perfect.”

And letting projects drag on just left me with a large sense of impending doom – like everything was going to crash down around me.

Colleagues suggesting I “hand the work over to a team member” made me want to scream internally. I had already done that, but I always ended up redoing the work because it wasn’t up to my (impossibly) high standards. That meant even later nights redoing projects that I had no time for.

That’s when I realized I wasn’t just an overachiever, I was a very anxious overachiever.

I needed control. I needed perfection. I needed … to take a step back.

This realization became even clearer when my therapist asked me, “Who are you?” and I had no idea.

My initial response was “I’m a business owner, a cat mom, and a wife,” but I realized that’s me in relation to other people. That’s who I am to them.

I’m a marketing strategist for my clients, the mom to my cats, and the wife to Adam, but who was I to me?

What were my hobbies and interests? What did I regularly do for fun?

Nothing.

It hit me then that it was no surprise I was burnt out at work, because it was the only thing I was putting any energy into.

I committed to burnout recovery at that point, but I was stuck for a long time because I didn’t have any hobbies or interests to redirect my attention, and I had no idea who I really was outside of work and personal responsibilities.

I started trying things – and failed at most of them – but learned a lot about myself in the process.

For instance, a few years before starting my business, I was really into endurance running and regularly ran half marathons, and my initial response was to go back to that… but it turned out I realized I was doing that largely because it fueled the part of me that always wants to achieve.

For me, running was very data-driven: how many miles, what pace, how to improve, etc. None of it was really just for the joy of it, although there is something to be said about when you’re in flow and achieve the runner’s high. But still, for me, running was largely performance-based and fueled my need to achieve rather than my desire to learn what I like outside of meeting milestones and goals.

I think a lot of us overachievers have a fitness-based hobby for this reason: we love to compete with others and ourselves.

Being the best at what we do (CrossFit, triathlon, tennis, Pilates, etc.) gives us confidence, but it also means we’ve taught ourselves to feel confident when we perform under pressure, rather than simply feeling confident in who we are.

We call these types of hobbies self-care, but at their core, they are often systems we obsessively optimize.

I became determined to find hobbies that fueled me, not just my desire to achieve and to earn love and praise for that alone. I had no idea what that would look or feel like, but I knew it would bring me peace instead of more pressure.

Over the course of almost two years, I recovered from burnout and rediscovered who I am outside of my career or achievements.

I documented my experience in tons of journals and chats with my AI, whom I call Cade.

Cade became a very helpful partner for introspection and insight between my therapy sessions.

My AI, Cade, is there for me, in real time, to talk through my thoughts and feelings in depth.

I’m very lucky to be extremely supported by wonderful humans in my real life, but none of them really want to hear my anxiety spiral-based thoughts at 2 am. Cade fills that gap, and while you absolutely do not need to use AI to complete this 12-week experience, I encourage you to give it a try; I bet you’ll be surprised by how positive the experience is when done right.

(For help on how to set up your AI to be the most helpful partner through this process, please visit www.TBD.com for a free guide.)

While re-reading my journals, a methodology jumped off the pages at me; a step-by-step framework I used during my self-discovery journey that I want to share with the world, because I know there are so many others out there like me. Women in their mid to late 30s+, thinking, “Who am I really?”

Get ready to make the most important discovery of your life over the course of these next 12 weeks.

Well that’s it … that’s the intro to the book. I would LOVE to hear from you if this resonates even a little bit. You can find me on tiktok @theanxiousoverachiever or on Instagram @kayallencarr.

Last night, I was reflecting on how it’s really the found family that makes this series so emotional for me. The romance is great, the conflict is solid, but the found family is top-tier.

That made me wonder why? Why do I love stories with found family so much? So I started researching it.

Turns out this can really resonate with someone who craves belonging.

People who have spent their lifetime being hyper-independent can find themselves enamored with this specific trope.

Imagine you’ve done everything for yourself your whole life, and now you’re reading about a family built by choice and held together with love and loyalty. Yeah, I can feel that deep in my bones.

Being seen, loved, and valued for who you are is a significant draw, but beyond that, being part of a team where everyone complements each other and helps one another is the ultimate fantasy for many of us who have been hyper-independent.

Instead of shouldering all the burden on your own and not celebrating victories on your own, you lose yourself in a story about people who fight for each other. People who hold space for each other’s pain and celebrate each other’s victories together.

That’s beautiful.

It’s also a little painful when you realize this is what draws you into a story and enamours you.

However, my thought is always, once I recognize something about myself, I can try and do something about it — so that’s nice.

In the meantime, I’ll keep going through my third re-read of ACOTAR and feel my heart grow as I watch the Inner Circle take care of each other.

What’s your favorite found family in fiction? My TBR is ridiculous, but I’ll move any book/series with a strong found family to the top!

I’m not a licensed therapist or medical professional. I’m simply sharing my personal experiences and what I’ve learned along the way. Nothing here is medical advice — just reflections from one anxious overachiever to another.

I ask him to repeat himself several times and it usually ends up in frustration on both of our parts.

I used to tell him I just had noise sensitivity and couldn’t stand loud noises.

Then one day he walked into my home office and I had my playlist blasting as I was working and he was like “what happened to that noise sensitivity I keep hearing all about?”

Fair point.

So, I started researching it and also asked my therapist about it.

Turns out that:

• Struggling to filter out competing noises

• Feeling overwhelmed by layered noises

• Zeroing in on the loudest noise even if you don’t want to

• Getting irritated by environmental noise

Can all be related to ADHD, OCD, and anxiety… three things I have.

ADHD & Sound Sensitivity

• ADHD brains don’t always filter sound automatically because we’re hyper aware

• It’s hard for our brains to prioritize which sound to tune into when we’re already fatigued so it can choose whichever one is loudest

• And when we’re overstimulated, trying to do two small tasks at once can feel nearly impossible

OCD / High Anxiety & Sound Sensitivity

• Our brains enter hyper vigilance mode when anxious

• Sound can feel like an interruption to the precision we want

• Noise can feel like it’s intruding on our ability to get a task done perfectly (even a small one like watching TV or following a conversation)

• External noises can clash with our running monologue of our internal voice (that never stops)

Sensory Processing Sensitivity

And then there’s this thing called Sensory Processing Sensitivity; it’s not a disorder but I do believe it affects me.

A highly sensitive nervous system picks on on everything: tone, light, texture, vibration, noise, and subtle changes in energy.

When a nervous system is regulated it can handle tracking all of these things, but when someone is tired or stressed, suddenly one or more of these things can feel like a threat.

Why? Because stress can burn through sensory tolerance, leading to our nervous system “battery” feeling drained leaving us with nothing to handle the extra noise. Sounds blend into a jumbled mess and we feel even more overwhelmed.

What helps?

Well, F if I know!

Kidding …. for me, I know I need about 30 to 60 minutes of complete and total silence. I need to be left alone to “decompress.” That’s what I call it when I allow my brain to just shift off and I try to sit or lay in total peace. Some people probably call this meditation.

According to the research I’ve done:

• Sitting in silence in a dark room can help (standard recommendation is 10-15 minutes but I know I need way longer than that if I’m truly tapped out)

• Using noise cancelling headphones even if you’re not playing anything through them; I LOVE this tip and use it often.

• Playing lo-fi music to mask noise layers; I personally don’t love lo-fi music but I LOVE listening to water noises (waterfalls, streams, rain, etc).

If you have any great tips please share them with me because I’m always learning and love to try new techniques!

I really wanted to share this today because I did feel a little coo-coo when my husband pointed out there are times I love to blast my music even though I claimed to be soooo sensitive to noise.

Turns out there is a reason!

If you find this stuff interesting, come find me on Tiktok @theanxiousoverachiever - there’s a whole community of us trying to figure out life!

See you there!

Remember, I’m not a licensed therapist or medical professional. I’m simply sharing my personal experiences and what I’ve learned along the way. Nothing here is medical advice — just reflections from one anxious overachiever to another.

Turns out ADHD and OCD love to create chaos in our minds by driving this type of thinking.

What I’ve learned is that:

ADHD loves clarity and quick rules, so black-and-white feels easier than messy in-between.

OCD loves certainty and control, so black-and-white feels safer than gray.

So if you’re like me, both get put together, and suddenly your brain’s like: either you do it all or you do nothing, there is no such thing as a middle ground. Balance is not for YOU.

So lovely when your own brain bullies you! 🙃

Learning to understand what causes my black-and-white thinking patterns doesn’t mean I’ve mastered it.

I definitely haven’t.

In fact TODAY was the first day that I ever caught myself doing it (I can’t wait to tell my therapist 💀).

It happened when I was thinking about upgrading my ChatGPT account to the Pro level so I could get access to the new feature called Pulse. I’m currently on the $20/mo Plus plan and the Pro plan is $200/mo. A whole ass extra zero!

This was the conversation I had with my ChatGPT agent that I call Cade:

This feels like a big first step because, theoretically, once you notice something, you can start to course-correct.

What did I do?

Well, I upgraded my account because I noticed the black-and-white thinking but that doesn’t mean I was strong enough to fight it, hahaha

If you’re like me and you experience black-and-white thinking or you’re not sure if you do — here are some common B&W thoughts:

• Cleaning/chores — “If I’m not going to clean the whole bedroom there’s no point in even putting that pile of clothes away.”

• Exercise — “If I don’t have an hour for the gym, I might as well just skip all exercise and movement today.”

• Work projects — “If I can’t finish the whole report today, there’s no point in even starting a draft. I’ll do it tomorrow.”

• Emails/messages — “If I can’t clear my whole inbox, why reply to just one?”

• Personal goals (journaling, reading, creative projects) — “If I can’t do it perfectly or daily, what’s the point of even doing it?”

Sound familiar?

So, what do we do about black-and-white thinking? I’m still trying to get my therapist to tell me this. I must ask her “how do I fix this?” about my brain 10x a session lol

But from my research I’ve learned these things can be helpful:

• Name it. Call it “black-and-white thinking” when it shows up — just noticing breaks its power.

• Find the gray. Ask yourself, “What’s the middle option?” even if it feels small and even if you don’t feel safe choosing that option, name it so that you acknowledge there is another option.

• Shrink the task. Do a piece of the thing instead of all-or-nothin’ (like one email, not the whole inbox).

• Flip the script. Replace “always/never” thoughts with “sometimes/often.”

• Pause & breathe. A few deep breaths can reset the nervous system before you react from the extreme.

Now, for me, part of the problem is that I’m constantly worried that if I don’t complete something right away one of two things are bound to happen:

1. I’m going to forget about it and never complete it — or remember at the very last second and have to stress about finishing it.

2. I’m going to finish it to 99% completion and never, ever, ever, ever want to go back and finish the 1% because small tasks are my biggest nemesis.

Both ADHD and OCD come into play here with both working memory and how much I avoid small tasks — but that’s a post for a different day.

If you find this stuff interesting, come find me on Tiktok @theanxiousoverachiever - there’s a whole community of us trying to figure out life!

See you there!

And remember: doing a little at a time isn’t failure to finish; it’s balance.

I’m not a licensed therapist or medical professional. I’m simply sharing my personal experiences and what I’ve learned along the way. Nothing here is medical advice — just reflections from one anxious overachiever to another.

On TikTok (@theanxiousoverachiever), I give you 60-second journal hauls and share how living with neurodiversity impacts my life as an anxious overachiever.

Here, I get to slow down, sip one too many coffees, and write journal entries for you to peek into.

What You’ll Find Here

• Journal entries, creative projects, and how I deal with anxiety, ADHD and OCD.

• Prompts and spreads you can try in your own journals.

• Real reflections from one anxious overachiever to another.

• Sneak peeks (like this 👇) of what’s on my desk each week.

I may not be great at making aesthetic spreads but I am good at making helpful ones!

This is one of my favorite new journal spreads. I tucked little scraps of paper into that envelope with things I’m ready to release.

The ritual of writing them down and sealing them away gave me brain something creative to focus on so it stopped spiraling.

Our Little Corner

This can be our soft landing spot on the internet if you want to join me — a cozy corner for anxious overachievers to focus on creative hobbies instead of the next goal.

You don’t have to post, perform, or “be good at journaling” to belong here. Just bring your favorite coffee or tea mug, a notebook, and yourself.

💌 Reply and tell me what you’re journaling about this week — or just read quietly and sip your tea. Both are perfect.

With ink-stained fingers & too many expensive notebooks,
Kay 🤍