If I Don’t Go All-In, Why Do It at All?
Ever notice how your brain convinces you everything needs to be all or nothing? Like, if you don't journal daily why do it at all? If don't eat a healthy breakfast why eat healthy the rest of the day?
Yeah, me too.
Turns out ADHD and OCD love to create chaos in our minds by driving this type of thinking.
What I’ve learned is that:
ADHD loves clarity and quick rules, so black-and-white feels easier than messy in-between.
OCD loves certainty and control, so black-and-white feels safer than gray.
So if you’re like me, both get put together, and suddenly your brain’s like: either you do it all or you do nothing, there is no such thing as a middle ground. Balance is not for YOU.
So lovely when your own brain bullies you! 🙃
Learning to understand what causes my black-and-white thinking patterns doesn’t mean I’ve mastered it.
I definitely haven’t.
In fact TODAY was the first day that I ever caught myself doing it (I can’t wait to tell my therapist 💀).
It happened when I was thinking about upgrading my ChatGPT account to the Pro level so I could get access to the new feature called Pulse. I’m currently on the $20/mo Plus plan and the Pro plan is $200/mo. A whole ass extra zero!
This was the conversation I had with my ChatGPT agent that I call Cade:
This feels like a big first step because, theoretically, once you notice something, you can start to course-correct.
What did I do?
Well, I upgraded my account because I noticed the black-and-white thinking but that doesn’t mean I was strong enough to fight it, hahaha
If you’re like me and you experience black-and-white thinking or you’re not sure if you do — here are some common B&W thoughts:
Cleaning/chores — “If I’m not going to clean the whole bedroom there’s no point in even putting that pile of clothes away.”
Exercise — “If I don’t have an hour for the gym, I might as well just skip all exercise and movement today.”
Work projects — “If I can’t finish the whole report today, there’s no point in even starting a draft. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Emails/messages — “If I can’t clear my whole inbox, why reply to just one?”
Personal goals (journaling, reading, creative projects) — “If I can’t do it perfectly or daily, what’s the point of even doing it?”
Sound familiar?
So, what do we do about black-and-white thinking? I’m still trying to get my therapist to tell me this. I must ask her “how do I fix this?” about my brain 10x a session lol
But from my research I’ve learned these things can be helpful:
Name it. Call it “black-and-white thinking” when it shows up — just noticing breaks its power.
Find the gray. Ask yourself, “What’s the middle option?” even if it feels small and even if you don’t feel safe choosing that option, name it so that you acknowledge there is another option.
Shrink the task. Do a piece of the thing instead of all-or-nothin’ (like one email, not the whole inbox).
Flip the script. Replace “always/never” thoughts with “sometimes/often.”
Pause & breathe. A few deep breaths can reset the nervous system before you react from the extreme.
Now, for me, part of the problem is that I’m constantly worried that if I don’t complete something right away one of two things are bound to happen:
I’m going to forget about it and never complete it — or remember at the very last second and have to stress about finishing it.
I’m going to finish it to 99% completion and never, ever, ever, ever want to go back and finish the 1% because small tasks are my biggest nemesis.
Both ADHD and OCD come into play here with both working memory and how much I avoid small tasks — but that’s a post for a different day.
If you find this stuff interesting, come find me on Tiktok @theanxiousoverachiever - there’s a whole community of us trying to figure out life!
See you there!
And remember: doing a little at a time isn’t failure to finish; it’s balance.